Walk Honors Children Gone Too Soon, Families Take the Steps Their Children Will Never Take

Hundreds took their neighbors’ hands in front of Cal State San Bernardino’s (CSUSB) John Pfau Library Saturday morning, Oct. 19, preparing to take the steps their babies would not have a chance to take. In a remembrance ceremony just before the 4th Annual Walk to Remember, which commemorates the lives of families affected by the passing of a baby—in pregnancy, stillbirth or infancy loss of any kind—and offers opportunities for support and fundraising for other bereaved family support services. This year’s walk hosted over 700 participants walking in memory of over 150 children. About $11,000 was raised, which will help provide supplies for local peer support groups and assist hospitals in creating and giving keepsakes to the bereaved. Amanda Balderrama is a co-founder of the Inland Empire Area’s Walk to Remember Event. After her son Fernando Michael Philip was born and passed away in August 2004, Amanda grieved silently. Years later, in 2010, she co-founded the Walk to Remember event when she realized that sharing can lead to healing. Today, she is a “proud mother of two girls she holds in her arms and two babies she carries in her heart,” an introductory biography on the official Walk to Remember Inland Empire website states. “We are truly blown away,” Balderrama said in her opening speech to the hundreds standing on the lawn, many wearing commemorative T-shirts naming the child they were remembering that day. “Just to be among you all makes me feel like I’m not alone. Thank you for giving us the honor of being part of your babies’ stories.” Event co-founder Sarah Miles discovered she and her husband were expecting their first child in October 2006. At 38 weeks gestation, they were told their son no longer had a heartbeat. Brayden Jordan Miles was stillborn on June 26, 2007. In 2010, she co-founded the event with Balderrama, wanting to give her son, and many other babies who had passed away too soon, a place to be openly remembered and celebrated. Today, according to her website bio, Miles is a stay-at-home mother to three living sons. Guest speaker Kristyn von Rotz, who co-founded the Walk to Remember, Orange County event, gave words of hope and comfort in her speech. Miles credited von Rotz with being the inspiration for bringing Walk to Remember to the Inland Empire. Von Rotz explained that nine years ago, she gave birth to a son, whom she and her husband Mark named Joseph Thomas. She and her husband “knew he was going to die. We knew it was going to be the most horrible day of our lives. We knew we were going to leave the hospital without our son. Through all the tears and pain and agony and sorrow, there were also smiles. How is it possible, that in this most traumatic of moments, I could find joy?” she asked. “But there was joy. I was seeing my son for the first time. He had my lips, he had his dad’s nose, and this amazing miracle was my son. I’m not going to stand here and lie to you, and tell you the loss of my son was easy. I had people tell me, ‘Just survive day by day.’ No. I survived minute by minute, because the thought of another 24 hours without my baby [was] too much to bear,” she said. Von Rotz grieved silently, she explained, but she began to find other mothers who empathized. “Their hugs and words of encouragement gave me hope, and then I became that woman. I was able to support families who had lost a baby. I may never understand why Joseph had to die, but I am able to help others through their loss, and there is joy in knowing I am making a difference, and that Joseph’s short life means something.” Before the walk, the name of each child was read aloud, and one family member from each family received a white rose and a white balloon, which families carried with them on the walk, in remembrance of their child. The Perry family was one participating in Saturday’s event, their first time walking. Brenda Perry was accompanied by Brianna Adams, her mother Debbie Proffit and her mother-in-law, Kate Perry. Brenda, who has three living children, was walking in remembrance and honor of her baby Sibley, whom she lost to miscarriage in January. The family was also walking in memory of Colin Patrick, who passed away Oct. 24, 2013. Colin was born to Kate Perry’s son and daughter-in-law, Joanna and Brian, and was given the fatal diagnosis of anencephaly. The family also walked in honor of Brian and Joanna’s “Baby Perry,” whom they lost to miscarriage on Mother’s Day. “I think [the walk] is very helpful,” said Brenda, “especially to my living children. They received a sibling package that helps them understand [what happened].” Brenda explained that she felt she received a lot of support as she experienced the death of a child and a miscarriage. “I don’t think I could’ve ever come this far without this whole thing,” said Brenda. Proffit said, “It’s good to know you’re not alone. It is a loss. As a grandmother, you suffer. You suffer watching your child suffer and you don’t know how to deal with that.” But their story has a silver lining. Now both Brenda and Joanna are once again expecting and are due April 2014, one week apart. This year Sylvia Gallegos was chosen as the recipient of the 2013 Compassion Award. She was nominated by her daughter, Myra Gallegos, who nominated her after she received support from her mother when Myra learned her daughter’s heart, at just 6 months gestation, had stopped beating. Following the approximately 2-mile walk around the CSUSB campus, a balloon release and closing ceremony took place. Hundreds of white balloons, symbolizing each child being remembered that day, were released into the sky, creating a white cloud representing love, loss, and honor.